Video 10: The best of the 'Best of YouTube'

Behold. My version of the best of the 'Best of YouTube' collection.

1. Lets drive into a massive dust storm. I'm not sure if these people realize this, but the dust storms I've read about (mostly in the "Dune" series) will flay the skin from your corpse - much less paint from your vehicle. At least close the vents.


2. Big Mac Rap. I've found that the best YouTube movies are short/sweet, involve real-life scenarios, comedy and some form of musical score.



3. Don't hate on Windows. The music only lasts for the first minute or so. Ignore the rest.


4. Stupid game show guesses. Nothing says YouTube more than clips that show humanity's capacity for idiocy.


5. Soviet Union brought the breakdance long before our great nation.

Blog #153

Today's highlights:

Experiencing Five Guy's for the first time. Watching cookie-cutter shark attack reenactments on the Discovery Channel. Listening to my dad threaten to drive four hours up here to kick my ass if I don't call him back. Refusing to call him back. Reminding myself that I abhor talking on IM. Realizing that there is a strange mold-like discoloration on my ceiling. Talking myself out of buying an iPod. Talking myself out of buying a PS2. Talking myself out of buying a hybrid (or any new car). Snickering at my boss -- who told me to get back to work through his new account on Facebook (OH THE IRON_E).

In other news:

A coworker wants me to start a blog. This makes my blog tally hit somewhere above 10 total. I'm not sure what I'd like to blog about. Perhaps Keith would like to chip in? We could do a blog about being new, young, enthusiastic and in South Jersey. (Or just in S.J.) Courier-Post would feature it on their Impulse site - the publication geared toward luring young eyeballs and revenue.

Video 9: Come play with us

This fucking sucks.

Physics makes us all its bitches.

I need more jump-off-railing-run-in-front-of-cars-paint-walls-black-green-red-run-from-landlord-without-paying-dues kind of people in my life.

I want people made bitches by passion. Driven people with harsh, never satisfied expressions. People who rewrite industries and disappear for weeks by mere whim.

Most of all I want to be said people. Right now I'd just like to surround myself with them.

Video 8: This post is not.

This post is all about a GIANT BITCH

The room rented at 550 a week – a ridiculous price for the modest cubicle and shared bathroom. But situated in the midst of the SeaPort, where concrete meets cobblestone, and with the lull of aged ships rubbing against the wooden dock, the room was worth every penny.

Many disagreed. And it filled me with sadness and an increasing worry that only abated when she rang Thursday evening.

Kili Thomas knocked on my studio door the beginning of the next week. Notice how I used ‘my studio’ instead of ‘our studio’ or even ‘the studio.’ I promised to work on that. After all, her arrival filled the hole growing in my wallet. I could afford a few small efforts.

So pleased to see her I was, that I grabbed her bags and immediately showed her the room. Odd that she hadn’t wanted to tour the place before transferring the money and signing a rent contract, but I didn’t ponder too much on the first signs of her … strange behavior. She was very pleased with the room, to much of my pride (I kept it immaculate since posting the ad and even sacrificed a few purple cushion seats to brighten the wooden-floored and white-walled deathtrap.

She was elated.

And after setting her bags in the furthest corner, we settled in the main room for drinks and chit chat.

I was the cleanest, handsomest, untouched man in the porn industry. She, of course, started off with a lovely comment about my sparkling hazel eyes. I swooned. This girl was a goddess. As long as she dished the compliments (where they were due) and loaded cash into my pockets, I was determined to keep her forever.

But, I told her firmly. This will not evolve into a romantic traipse or dating relationship.

Hello? Newsroom?

Two arm movements away from talking to Frank Miller on the phone. TWO!

Instead the Asst. Metro Editor picked up and began to ask, "Frank Miller? Who's Frank Miller? WHO?"

I usually avoid the phone for two reasons:

1. My phone is as old as I am. It doesn't transfer properly - requiring a long, repetitive explanation of why the caller has to call again and when to dial the proper extension.

2. S.J. people are nuts. I can't quite find the humor in Commerce-bank-poisoning-the-Camden-water-supply-killing-millions-of-albino-crack-babies-this-year tips when I've got a website to run. Note to hobos with phones: If electric cuts out in your rowhouse it's because you didn't pay the bill, not because President Bush ordered a nuclear attack on the East Coast.

But .... FRANK MILLER!

Video 7: Gooden Morning Intranets!

Mmmm coffee.

Video 6: Always, always one foot on the ground

S.J. things to do

Looks like I won't be getting a week off work anytime soon, but not all hope's lost. Keith and I proved that lots can be done in a single day when you're lucky enough to bum around New Jersey. Last Saturday we drove an hour to Long Beach. Keith grew a little more accustomed to the ocean, but the landlubber's got a bit more wading to do. We then meandered our way north and randomly found Leonard Street's Quick Stop - the convenience store inspiration for Clerks. It was just as trashy as I imagined.

So with two days at the end of every week to waste, here's a look at some of the wacky crazy adventures we could jump into:

1. Cowtown Rodeo: Its been around since 1955 so it must be good! Doubtful? Just listen to a barnyard animal rendition of this great nation's anthem.

2. Cape May Ferry 'cross the Delaware: Drive to the ferry, ride it on foot, take shuttles/walk along the shore towns, maybe hole up in a cheap bed/breakfast for the night and make a weekend out of it. Shopping. Concerts. BEACH.

3. Creepy Elephant Statue: Giant elephant. Not sure what else to say here. Look at the photo.

4. Atlantic City: To fill my Moneybags desires. More of a long weekend endeavor.

5. Hersey Park: Never been there. Six Flags as back-up plan.

6. Minerals Resort & Spa: I wouldn't mind the pampering. And I have money now. Kinda...

7. Delaware River Tubing: Cheap and fun. Plus a free barbeque lunch halfway down the river!

8. Mastoris: Supposedly the best diner in New Jersey. Also, Ponzio's ... which is only 5 miles away, in Cherry Hill.

9. Harrah's Rooftop Pool: Pricey, perhaps, but dive-in movies, palm trees and six HOT TUBS.

10. Pocono Mountains: They're in Pennsylvania, but not far. Skiing. Hiking. Those things I never do.