Video 17: Stuck in Head

First layoff experience = NOT GOOD

After random newspeople shook my hand, wished me much luck yesterday, then cleaned out their desks and pretended not to cry while making cop calls - we find out that a grand total of zero individuals from the newsroom were outed.

Advertising and circulation were hit pretty bad. The Detail Department is all but gone. All of our open positions were annihilated.

But no one on our side left today.

Today...

I know I'm new to the professional j-industry, but I was told by newsroom veterans that they'd never experienced anything quite like this. It says a lot when these kinds of fuckups and future-driven fortune cookies make me want to sell my soul to a stable job in PR.

The Tattoo

Saturday: After drinking away layoff fears with coworkers Friday night, I bummed about the crappy Philly transit system towards the side of the city I had never ventured... and shamefully so. The length of S. 4th Street is covered with tattoo parlors, mom/pop music stores, Beyond the Wall displays, long-lined cheese steak diners and bars. Dodging the Duck tour vehicles, I found my way to the No Ka Oi Tiki tat shop and presented my first (and probably not only) tattoo design to artiste magifico, Cindy.

3 hours of insane pain and $500 later...



In other news: Not laid off yet!

Layoffs

They're firing 35 people next week.

I don't think I'll be one of them, but it's not going to be a fun endeavor either way. Hooray sinking journalism industry.

Video 16: Vloggity

Video 15: Also I want...

A video camera. And Seattle.

Loose Ends

So I remember later...

:: KLIC-8000 rechargeable battery for camera. And a Kodak Li-Ion Universal Battery Charger K7500-C. Can get at Staples.

:: Go to BeyondtheWall store in Philly for cheapo art prints and posters. Keith you want in on this?

:: Schedule tattoo appointment.

Tattoo Dilemma

So I'm considering a tattoo. In fact I've been in a constant state of tattoo-consideration for about 3/4 years now. Finally, however, I have the money and the ideas to start what will soon become a questionable obsession.

Here is my idea: Celtic Yggdrasil, Tree of Life
Position: Shoulder/upper arm
Colors: Black/dark brown, deep green


Images to work from (artist will customize to bring the trunk/roots up my upper arm and explode the leaves across my shoulder):

But I want more roots. Like this:

But then maybe I want green shoots for leaves:

Thoughts?

Video 14: Not so, yeah yeah yeah

Ups and Downs

This week = challenge, in as many ways as you can imagine short of running a marathon.

But enough of that. Time to plan the glorious weekend.

FRIDAY: Worksome. Then off to the liquor store for my weekly stash of $7 wine (bottle the size of my torso) and $15 "very rare Scottish" whiskey - which, I discovered two nights ago, tastes like shit on its own. THEN Keith picks me up, as I will probably be drunk upon returning to my apartment, and we fly off into the dusk wielding unicorns and chain saws.

SATURDAY: Sleep-in is key. Then Wegmans. Then feast. Or beach. Or scary elephant. OH THE POTENTIAL.

SUNDAY: Sorry dude, but I gotta to do laundry at some point.

[Note: It is imperative that I do not stop for a second to think.]

[Second Note: I will most likely bring up unhappy topics sometime despite this non-thinking.]

Video 13: On again, Off again, On again

One week 'til Radiohead.

Family Heirlooms

Pete is an object of oddity in my family. My Dad feels it the most. We love to suggest that he take Pete out on a morning jog through the neigborhood, because there's nothing more amusing than watching a macho retired firefighter jogging alongside a big black poodle, pom-pom tale a-wavin'.

This is a standard poodle - a mural of cute and cuddly. Pete, is one of these poofy suckers.

Luckily for Pete (and my Dad's manliness), my family does not have the time nor dedication to groom or trim Pete this regularly. So to get an accurate image of Pete, just fill in all the skin and triming with mounds and mounds of black, curly hair.

Dad tries everything in his power to blame the poodle on us. He calls it manly names like spider monkey, spaz, and johnson. Whenever the poodle does his business in the backyard, Dad is the crazed sports announcer (Uh oh! We're making the turn. He's spinning! He's squatting! Is that the spot? Will he take that spot? YES! WE HAVE PINCH, I REPEAT, WE HAVE PINCH!).

So when the poodle fell off the dock he never stopped telling the story in the most exaggerated manner possible. Arms flailing, mouth agape, screaming the shrillest of squeaks and yelps, it goes a little like this:

"The morning was beautiful and that damned dog had to ruin it by taking a pinch on the dock. [sips his beer]. He knows he's not supposed to do that but he likes to push me, and I chased after him, the Pink Finger* in my hand and my hand raised to the sky like that mighty fist of god or whatever. [raises his hand in mock imitation, eyes grow wide]. That damn spider monkey was so scared of me he started running and suddenly found that he had run out of dock! [he leans forward and opens his mouth, releasing a loud series of screeches and barks and finally KACHUUUUUNK! (the sound of poodle hitting the water)]. He does a flip off the dock and lands face-first into that water. A few seconds and his head is back over, yelping and biting at the water, stupid damn dog. I went in and saved him, of course. Can't have a bloated poodle floating around my boat."

At this point Pete gets up from the grass and jumps in front of my Dad, circus-poodle style, the old boing boing. And Dad stuffs cookies into his mouth because he really loves that damn poodle. Probably more than he loves us.


*The Pink Finger is this long piece of pink foam that we beat the dog with. We can pick it up and he'll hightail it into the kitchen, around the couch ... or off the edge of a dock.

Video 12: You always end up in the city

There's a New Pornographers show at Philly's Electric Factory this Saturday. Tickets are a little pricey and I'm not sure if I want to go yet, but interested if I do?

You don't know how much I miss you, in fact, you don't even know this blog exists

I take heart in my belief that I made the right decision, no matter how difficult.

And we'll leave it at that. You were always good at letting things lie. I never was...

[/drama?]

Video 11: I miss home

I'll drive down to DC on the 22nd to meet/greet family and try to come to terms with the streets, songs that were still ours ... and are arguably still.

Dial 703

I broke up with Dave last night.

I don't think I've ever hated myself more than now.

Ugh

UPDATE: SICK. Very fucking sick. I think I have a fever, but I'm not sure without a thermometer. Of course this is the week that my boss is gone and I'm to take over.

I think I might be sick. My throat is killing me and I'm more-than-hangover sluggish. What brilliant timing.

Video 10: The best of the 'Best of YouTube'

Behold. My version of the best of the 'Best of YouTube' collection.

1. Lets drive into a massive dust storm. I'm not sure if these people realize this, but the dust storms I've read about (mostly in the "Dune" series) will flay the skin from your corpse - much less paint from your vehicle. At least close the vents.


2. Big Mac Rap. I've found that the best YouTube movies are short/sweet, involve real-life scenarios, comedy and some form of musical score.



3. Don't hate on Windows. The music only lasts for the first minute or so. Ignore the rest.


4. Stupid game show guesses. Nothing says YouTube more than clips that show humanity's capacity for idiocy.


5. Soviet Union brought the breakdance long before our great nation.

Blog #153

Today's highlights:

Experiencing Five Guy's for the first time. Watching cookie-cutter shark attack reenactments on the Discovery Channel. Listening to my dad threaten to drive four hours up here to kick my ass if I don't call him back. Refusing to call him back. Reminding myself that I abhor talking on IM. Realizing that there is a strange mold-like discoloration on my ceiling. Talking myself out of buying an iPod. Talking myself out of buying a PS2. Talking myself out of buying a hybrid (or any new car). Snickering at my boss -- who told me to get back to work through his new account on Facebook (OH THE IRON_E).

In other news:

A coworker wants me to start a blog. This makes my blog tally hit somewhere above 10 total. I'm not sure what I'd like to blog about. Perhaps Keith would like to chip in? We could do a blog about being new, young, enthusiastic and in South Jersey. (Or just in S.J.) Courier-Post would feature it on their Impulse site - the publication geared toward luring young eyeballs and revenue.

Video 9: Come play with us

This fucking sucks.

Physics makes us all its bitches.

I need more jump-off-railing-run-in-front-of-cars-paint-walls-black-green-red-run-from-landlord-without-paying-dues kind of people in my life.

I want people made bitches by passion. Driven people with harsh, never satisfied expressions. People who rewrite industries and disappear for weeks by mere whim.

Most of all I want to be said people. Right now I'd just like to surround myself with them.

Video 8: This post is not.

This post is all about a GIANT BITCH

The room rented at 550 a week – a ridiculous price for the modest cubicle and shared bathroom. But situated in the midst of the SeaPort, where concrete meets cobblestone, and with the lull of aged ships rubbing against the wooden dock, the room was worth every penny.

Many disagreed. And it filled me with sadness and an increasing worry that only abated when she rang Thursday evening.

Kili Thomas knocked on my studio door the beginning of the next week. Notice how I used ‘my studio’ instead of ‘our studio’ or even ‘the studio.’ I promised to work on that. After all, her arrival filled the hole growing in my wallet. I could afford a few small efforts.

So pleased to see her I was, that I grabbed her bags and immediately showed her the room. Odd that she hadn’t wanted to tour the place before transferring the money and signing a rent contract, but I didn’t ponder too much on the first signs of her … strange behavior. She was very pleased with the room, to much of my pride (I kept it immaculate since posting the ad and even sacrificed a few purple cushion seats to brighten the wooden-floored and white-walled deathtrap.

She was elated.

And after setting her bags in the furthest corner, we settled in the main room for drinks and chit chat.

I was the cleanest, handsomest, untouched man in the porn industry. She, of course, started off with a lovely comment about my sparkling hazel eyes. I swooned. This girl was a goddess. As long as she dished the compliments (where they were due) and loaded cash into my pockets, I was determined to keep her forever.

But, I told her firmly. This will not evolve into a romantic traipse or dating relationship.

Hello? Newsroom?

Two arm movements away from talking to Frank Miller on the phone. TWO!

Instead the Asst. Metro Editor picked up and began to ask, "Frank Miller? Who's Frank Miller? WHO?"

I usually avoid the phone for two reasons:

1. My phone is as old as I am. It doesn't transfer properly - requiring a long, repetitive explanation of why the caller has to call again and when to dial the proper extension.

2. S.J. people are nuts. I can't quite find the humor in Commerce-bank-poisoning-the-Camden-water-supply-killing-millions-of-albino-crack-babies-this-year tips when I've got a website to run. Note to hobos with phones: If electric cuts out in your rowhouse it's because you didn't pay the bill, not because President Bush ordered a nuclear attack on the East Coast.

But .... FRANK MILLER!

Video 7: Gooden Morning Intranets!

Mmmm coffee.

Video 6: Always, always one foot on the ground

S.J. things to do

Looks like I won't be getting a week off work anytime soon, but not all hope's lost. Keith and I proved that lots can be done in a single day when you're lucky enough to bum around New Jersey. Last Saturday we drove an hour to Long Beach. Keith grew a little more accustomed to the ocean, but the landlubber's got a bit more wading to do. We then meandered our way north and randomly found Leonard Street's Quick Stop - the convenience store inspiration for Clerks. It was just as trashy as I imagined.

So with two days at the end of every week to waste, here's a look at some of the wacky crazy adventures we could jump into:

1. Cowtown Rodeo: Its been around since 1955 so it must be good! Doubtful? Just listen to a barnyard animal rendition of this great nation's anthem.

2. Cape May Ferry 'cross the Delaware: Drive to the ferry, ride it on foot, take shuttles/walk along the shore towns, maybe hole up in a cheap bed/breakfast for the night and make a weekend out of it. Shopping. Concerts. BEACH.

3. Creepy Elephant Statue: Giant elephant. Not sure what else to say here. Look at the photo.

4. Atlantic City: To fill my Moneybags desires. More of a long weekend endeavor.

5. Hersey Park: Never been there. Six Flags as back-up plan.

6. Minerals Resort & Spa: I wouldn't mind the pampering. And I have money now. Kinda...

7. Delaware River Tubing: Cheap and fun. Plus a free barbeque lunch halfway down the river!

8. Mastoris: Supposedly the best diner in New Jersey. Also, Ponzio's ... which is only 5 miles away, in Cherry Hill.

9. Harrah's Rooftop Pool: Pricey, perhaps, but dive-in movies, palm trees and six HOT TUBS.

10. Pocono Mountains: They're in Pennsylvania, but not far. Skiing. Hiking. Those things I never do.

AHOY MATEY

Oh beach, its been so long.

Video 5: How to Disappear Completely

Farce

So that sucked.

1. I got lost on the way into Philly. Twice.

2. The gas stations here don't have little shops like the rest of the world. They do not carry AA batteries for the C-P's wireless mic.

3. Apparently, neither do the 7-11s.

4. Commuters have to pay $3 to get on the bridge into Philly. My driver-side window doesn't roll down.

5. It is an unsung law that as soon as you jump out of the car, balance yourself by stringing a video camera bag, tripod bag, laptop bag and purse around your shoulders and start to limp towards a building that is far too far away ... it will start down pouring.

6. I happened to be wearing cloth slippers. I also happen to abhor wet feet.

7. I forgot the firewire cable at the office.

8. The C-P executive editor, my boss' boss' boss, offers to bring it to me. There was no hate in his eyes, but god knows I'm two shits away from getting fired.

9. My wireless signal dies as soon as all parts are present.

10. The video feed is patchy at best.

WAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Brush your TEETH!

So I'm about 80% done with my last school project EVER. (Unless, of course, I decide to take Gannett up on free tuition and go for my masters.) The task? Create a web site accessible to those with vision, auditory, motor, perceptual and seizure disorders. I think I might be missing a defect here...

Anyway, it looks like crap, but what do you expect? I've a social distribution report to mock up for the Courier-Post, a Twitter report to finalize and a DRPA meeting to film this week.

Even though tonight may be the last chance I have to work on it ... fuck it. I'm going to eat Chipotle and watch Dexter with Keith. Everyone needs a break at some point. Plus Keith's couch has reclining seats. It's 2025 baby!

Video 4: ROW ROW Fight the POWA

He's Kamina-sama, the silencer of crying children. One of my favorite mens in the animes. (Don't worry, there are few animated non-living males that tug at my heart strings.)

Video 3: Something big is gonna happen

Go to Sleep

I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't have done that.

Video 3: You know ... the islands? The cocaine? The elegant cars?

The Handshake slipped to the tip of my tongue

Eight hours from now I will be daftly navigating the Jersey Turnpike to an area north of New Brunswick ... all for a dog.

Midge was born a runt, hound/boxer (and pit, but my apartment doesn't need to know that) mix that eventually developed a crazy case of mange. See side. Rawhide Rescue nursed her back to health. She's now a hairy little wiggle beast. Also see below. Unfortunately she's skittish. Not in the aggressive way (biting, lunging, attacking), but in the cowering, OMGHALPME crawling type. I've been told she does not like car rides, so the hour and a half drive back to Collingswood will be fun. Then I just have to juggle Midge, her two crates, a week's worth of food and a bucket full of toys from my car to my 10th floor apartment.

Despite the difficulties, I can't shrug off the deal. When I first sat down to pet her, she fixed me with this... look. Damn dogs and their LOOKS.

Expect web cam clips tonight, if all goes well.

Video 2: Laakso

Laakso: a band a Swede-lover caught me up with back in Va. Give this movie a few run-arounds. You'll grow to love it, I swear.

Image 2: Red hair

How I miss it.

To Helsinki!

20 minutes until I leave for work. Ready ... steady ... KYA!

Thanks to the meeting of a certain MinneSODA-ian, I have little time for amusing multimedia items. Namely, web cam shorts, interactive graphics of the apartment and what sharp objects I need to duck tape before the puppy moves in (TOMORROW), as well as photos of the surrounding Camden countryside. I could complain. No more marathon reading. No more Dandy Warhol walks to the park and back. LATE NIGHT FEASTING.

But I'm the happiest I've been since I moved here. I finally feel like I belong in the Philly metro area - not because I'm street savvy or a shitty driver - but because I am no longer a hermit. I actually have plans Saturday night! (And Monday, Tuesday, yesterday, tonight.)

To add to my giddy dance: I'm finding a creative niche at work. Yesterday I spent 3/4 of my work hours piecing together a 30-second shot from about an hour of footage, adding video overlays, NAT sounds and delicious credit screens. The day before that I presented a Twitter proposal to my boss. This week I'm working with the cops reporter to plan a multimedia series on the local serial rapist/murderer. Next week I write up a report on social distribution and how newspapers can use it to their own ends.

Maybe these reports don't sound like the most interesting items to work on .... but after a month of simply updating the website... Gold.

Video 1: I'm Moving Out

Note: Movie not necessarily a portrayal of my biases/opinions/beliefs. D: Cool song though.

Image 1: Standards

Sorry. I had to.

Ahoy bandwagon!

Note: Go to CourierPostOnline.com to see my first video assignment - Camden chef a cook-off finalist.

I'm settled in with my Comcast triple play, my $970 (utilities included) rent and my pretty Collingswood water towers and pigeon shuffle view.

I love it here.

Restaurants, cafes, family-owned markets and specialty shops are but a 10 minute walk from my 1-br apartment. Take the slow-moving, buzzy elevators down to the lobby and walk across Newton Lake Drive to reach algae blooms at their best. Stroll five minutes southwest and enter the City of Camden (aka: Warsaw) for drive-by shootings and homeless people with teeth that make jewels out of EU dental records. Want to get here? Make a right just before the old bridge painted with the 'PREGNANT? Get help' sign. Want to meet me at the Courier-Post? Call ahead and then cross a bridge - it's the only location I'll drive to.

Philly calls? Jump on the PATCO for a 10 minute shoddy Metro bump over the Jersey border.

Pictures after my camera charges. Questions? Comment here. I've already installed a landline for your silly late night phone calls. And there's always the cell phone.